If you thought this was a how to guide that would expose some well kept secret behind dating in this particular day and age, you are wrong. Sorry to deceive you. But now that I have your attention, how do we date in this age of digital media, cell phones, texting, instant messaging? What’s worse than technology are all the exes…exes and ohs…
So many people are royally screwed up because of the time and effort invested in a relationship gone bad, that when someone new, someone bright and shiny, someone who has done nothing to make you think they will hurt you comes along, you tend to run the other way? Or worse yet, that wall goes up so high, no one can climb over it? Why is it so different now, then, say, 20 years ago? Is it just technology and heartbreak? Or have we gotten seriously lazy?
It seems easier to have a “textationship” than a real relationship. I’ve fallen victim to that little scenario. We start talking, maybe once or twice a week, then every couple of days, then every other day, then every day several times throughout the day. Then when it comes down to seeing each other face to face, things come up, or they got too drunk to be cool about the situation, pass out for a minute at your rental cabin, then bail at 4 am before everyone wakes up. That was fun. Not really. What happens is a loss of respect for the other person, whom I had some feels for at one point.
Then, on the other hand, the idea of dating someone is more fun than actually going through with it, which I am sure I have put others through myself. Maybe even currently. What is the real problem here? Are we being too picky? The song says, if we can’t be with the one we love, we should love the one we’re with. Is that right though? Isn’t that settling, something we were told never to do?
Sometimes that initial idea is great, but when I get to know a little more about person X, I find things that I don’t really care for. Many will tell you a relationship is about compromise, but I think that is way off base. Why should we have to compromise ourselves for the sake of being with someone? I am unapologetically who I am, why do I need to change myself for someone else’s approval? And vise versa, why should a man have to change himself for my approval?
I’m sure I have a laundry list of things I can’t stand and an equal amount of things I love in men. Is it superficial to desire my partner to have a stellar smile? Perfection is not needed, there is something else that drives a smile to be stellar. Is it wrong to want a man with a certain skill set? I mean, this is my life, here are my issues and positive qualities, can’t my man counter my issues and add to my positive qualities?
I see loneliness over take so many; many loved ones I have chose to be miserable in a relationship rather than be alone. But there is a distinct difference between lonely and alone. Alone, we can work out our own issues, heal our broken hearts, and learn to love again for all the right reasons. Lonely, we act out of desperation to end the loneliness, and end up making bad choices in partners, leaving us more lonely and heartbroken than before.
It’s all just so baffling sometimes, causing me to muse over the prospects and forgotten lovers. I’m wild, not broken, not meant to be tamed or calmed. I’m looking for someone to run wild with, a leather for lace kind of trade. Someone to kiss passionately, go on adventures with, talk about the cosmos at 3am. Until I find that person, then I shall remain alone, for there is no compromising my heart.