When the Nice Guys Aren’t Really

As an avid reader of comment sections (blame my behavioral health degrees, it’s digital people watching) I see all manner of quip and complaint. One of the complaints is something to the effect of women always saying they want a nice guy, but always choosing assholes. I never respond to those comments. I read and mull it over. Most of us women have dated our fare share of assholes. But do we actually get to be around many nice guys that are genuinely nice guys? As a general rule, no. There are a few. But then there are the nice guys who turn out to be total assholes.

Because not every relationship starts out with an asshole; they disguise themselves as nice guys. In fact, every jerkface I have ever dated started out as nice guys. They billed themselves as honest, displayed appropriate behavior, played the part of a good guy to a tee. Hence the reason for dating. Then, somewhere along the way, the nice guy turned out to be a creep on whatever level, and the true colors surfaced.

Then there are the nice guys who are always complaining about the girl who is always dating jerks and never the nice guy right in from of their face. The complaining turns into anger as the girl in question is called names, accused of being superficial or stupid, and pretty soon it’s all girls date assholes and never nice guys and blame has to be placed somewhere. That’s not nice guy behavior. So then the nice guy is not so nice after all. So where does that leave us?

That leaves us looking for those hidden gems, those rare and beautiful, genuinely nice guys, who don’t try to make us feel bad about our past choices, because, well, they are just that nice. And along the way, we will continue our search, weeding out the bad among you, listening to you complain about the choices some women make, tricking us into thinking you are the rare breed, and all the while keeping a weather eye out for the good guys.

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